I wonder am i really happy now? am i really laughing with my friends? am i acting? or am i hiding? i not sure of myself... i laugh but my heart will feel sorrow and loneliness in the same time. i not sure am i really laughing from my heart. i not sure what i should do. everyday i keep asking myself again and again. what should i do... what is my purpose for existing? till now this question still in my mind everyday. sometime i keep on lie to myself on many thing. laugh to cover my own sadness. smile to act that i'm ok. but i'm not... what is stupig and what is stupid... was it just a dream? was it just a game? or it was me who take it too seriously? or it might be i'm too stupid not to understand what i should really do? everyday feeling depressed. bad thing keep coming. sadness keep increasing. and loneliness getting more cold.

everyday i keep on thinking of her. thinking of her making me both happy and sad. and obviously sad are more than happy. sadness come from the happiness. my question always come from happiness to sadness. wonder why thing change. wonder am i really nothing.

i have nothing but to keep on act. not being the old self but being the fake person for the rest of my life. no dream to chase. i don't feel it worth it even i achieve my dream. because i lost something that more important than my dream..... losing it means losing everything... all i get is nothing..... all i get is nothing but fake...