It's 2019. But my heart is wavering. After a few event, I agree to go for the wedding. I'm not gonna say i'm willingly to go. I was encourage by a few factor to go. Even at this moment, I'm still unable to know how to deal with the moment of seeing her. I love her yet I hate her.
Kah Hong told me is a past, and I should let go. He is not wrong but he is not right either. If ever the same thing happen to him, will he advice himself the same? Let go? someone you love betrayed you. someone you love, you thought will never use the most cruel way to hurt you but it did. You never experience it, doesn't mean you can forget it easily.
I never expect Ginny will betray me. But it happened. I did do my best to forgive her but the trauma still there. Sometime, learning to let go is the same as give up on what you belief in. If we give up on what we belief, then are we a puppet in this world? we live not according to what we think is right. we live because the world is like that. Does this still consider as living?
Ppl always fight what is right and what is wrong. There's never an answer. Because human is a selfish species. They can say whatever they want. But when things goes wrong, all they can do is say 'let it go, it's a past.'
My mind can't stop thinking about it. maybe it's because of knowing she will be there tomorrow. Ppl tell me is just one night. that's it. Then it's all over. Well, it's not as easy as they said. that one night is important to me and also torture to me.
one side I try to avoid the pain. at another side, i wish I could hold her hand and say 'I love you' once more.
If I ever given a chance to go back to time, will i take her hand again and ask her to love me? I believe I will.
I may have more than what I had when we were together but the time that we had nothing but each other, was the time I cherish the most. Each day bring me peace and happiness. What i had now, are tools to suppress my pain and loneliness.
