2day is her birthday... i been trying to not think about it... but my mind keep think of it... since last night i purpose go out walk go somewhere wif my fren, i call them out accompany me... i dun wan at home i dun b alone and start think of it again... in the end i went home at around 3am then in the early morning i went to swim then after that i went to walk in timesquare... i went to the play she bring me when we used to be together... that is her favorite spot.. i stand there and stand and stand... after that i leave a note at there... is a msg that in my heart wanted to say to her... i dunno will she see the note... but tat's all i can do... lucky i got a fren accompany me... thanks wai shin... thanks for accompany me...

after timesqaure i went to play ball... wat i done 2day is all trying to release my pain in my heart... try to do something... it's really suffer... until i went home... it's so lonely... nobody around me... i feel so pain in the heart... i already hold my tears since lastnight till now... but i can't hold it anymore.. i start to cry... god, izzit u wan me to suffer... is that u like to see...

when a heart being take a way, there isn't anything that can be replace anymore... not anymore...

this few day i very busy... busy preparing, busy buy this and that, busy go here and there and aslo just back from melaka not long...

in this 3 day 2 night trip i did have alot of fun but in the same time i did feel sad as well... i still remember the 1st day we arrive melaka, all of us make report to our parent that we safely reach there... and some of them phone their love one as well.. some didn't coz their love one just beside them... i the only one who feeling jealous and look to their sweet smile... at that minit i feel so lonely...

in this trip i see alot of thing, learn alot of thing and know alot of thing..... sometime i will think of her when i having fun... i thinking is she ok? wat she doing? is she alright? where is she? who she wif? however all this not my concern at all... i dun have the right... i'm just one of the rubbish who being throw away onli.....

the 2 night in melaka i have a nice sleep maybe becoz i have some alkohol be4 i sleep... but on the second i dream of her again... and i awake in the middle of the night... i nearly tears but i didn't... there is nothing i can do, i just have to keep on sleep...

now having holiday, maybe she got exam soon... but maybe she having fun wif her love one... her birthday coming soon... all this time i always think that i'm the 1st one who will b the love one to her celebrate her birthday but it's seem... this will never happen anymore...

till now in my mind still think of leaving this world... hope that after sleep won't wake up anymore... yesterday i went to do medical check up... the night be4 yesterday, i was thinking... or i should said that i wish to have problem in my medical check up... well, of course one of it is cancer... this few week my nose bleed again... sometime i wonder izzit i got cancer... of course i dnd't really care about it... if is really got cancer then cancer loh... i think nobody will care about it, y should i... well, my medical check up is next monday, honestly, yesterday when i do check up i did wish for it...

now i'm just a nobody... there isn't choice for me... all this time i just an idiot... she said i was smart actually i just an idiot being fool by everyone... someone that i trust most have lie to me... also break the promise... but the causes is from me... coz i'm an idiot... i'm the one who wrong from the begining till the end.. i tihnk everyone will satisfied if i say so... since i never being right... they so like to blame me then blame loh... i really hope i could just die now... she dun even care wat happen to u... she dun even care how much i being hurt... y shuold i care of my life... life without a goal in future is no diff than like a zombie... yaya, they will say that i being negative... watever, say as if they understand my feeling... it's not easy to keep hold the pain and suffering like this day and night... i always trust her, i always believe in her but in the end... she break her promise... but i can't blame her... is my wrong... coz im' just a rubbish... rubbish have no right to choose wat their want... idiot ppl always wrong... stupid ppl always lose... i wish i could just die now...................

Another sleepless night

An unforgettable memory can at times seem like an ugly scar.