my job current going quite well... but sometime still will get scold, this is something that i already expected. but better than being fired. just have to learn. i think after a time i will learn everything.

few day ago i dream of yee ling. for the past 2 years, this is the 1st time i able to dream happiness with her. i dream that i holding her hand. go alot of places wth her. no matter what or how she never let go my hand. i was so happy. i kinda doesn't want wake up from that dream. however, i need to wake up as well... at that time i'm happy and hope that it will become reality. when i on the way to work, i call yee ling and tell her that i dream about her. want to share my happiness... sometime i really happy that i able to go through life like this with her again. even though by directly face to face but atleast is a good start.

however, sometime when read her blog i will feel unhappy... especially 2day. she write about how she feel sad about her past. actually everything she feel now is no diff than when she leave me. about promise, about missing, about tears, cry, forget, and many more. like when i know she went to genting i'm so sad and scare.... scare of losing her totally..... that was my past. but now, i don't think of that anymore. because even it's not by my side, but she come back to talk to me again. even though she didn't cheer me up during she leave me but doesn't mean i must leave her alone during she in a bad time. i know i unable to do much compare to golden fish guy. becoz he rich, can make thing more easier... while i'm still earning money at a very far place. but between yee ling and money. i will choose yee ling... in these 2 years i realise what's important to me. i thought one day yee ling will become someone that i won't bother anymore because she leave me like nothing. but it's not... she so important to me that i unable to lose her anymore. this time if we able to be together... i pray and i hope... she will be the same as my dream... never let go my hand anymore... never leave me alone whenever i sad. in the same time, i will do my best for her. i will do my best never make her tears... do my best to make her happy always...

sometime i receive her sms... i'm very happy of how she miss me. it's makes my heart warm and cheer me up during i work. i really need those cheer sometime... in order to keep standing. i will try to call her too... so that she won't feel lonely always... i know i can't do much but i try my best... i hope she will feel better one day. sometime i might just a bit selfish that saying she must wait me 2 years... even though she is single now i can't be selfish... maybe take it easy. sometime i just being impatient...

yee ling, if u read this... don't sad... there are always those encourage u... not nobody encourage u. u at so far but u keep encourage me. if wasn't because of you. do you think i able to keep on survive? i don't so... because i always keep u in my heart. not my mind... remember that.. i really miss you... i hope you able to find me in your heart. i'm just somewhere in the corner only. hehehe... beebeebee

now i got a job but also got new problem... each time when i think of my problem i feel so sad... so helpless... but yee ling always there to cheer me up... however, whenever she cheer me up but i unable to solve the problem i will cry... i cry at her... i feel so useless... she hope me be a successful man. but i never able to do it... i'm so scare... i'm so scare she leave me. but until now she still haven't leave me... becoz she believe me... all this time becoz of her i still living...whenever i hear her voice i feel wan cry... i feel her care in her voice... maybe becoz i always keep my sadness in my heart. never express to my fren or any one. i really want find a day that just me alone and her... i wan hug her so tight and cry as much as i want... i hope she will do the same... i'm tear when i write this blog... becoz i really wanted to hug her... becoz i really scare... i got problem... i need her alot... i wanted to back malaysia and find her so much...

yee ling... i know she wanted to cry in her heart... she has the same feeling as i do... i understand... that's why i hope we can meet and cry with her and hug each other so tight that we will never try to leave another one alone anymore...

yee ling... i really wan cry whenever u put down the phone or offline... i'm not lying... becoz my feeling toward u always real... never fade... it getting stronger and stronger... i really miss u... miss u till that i wanted to cry... wanted to hold ur hand and never leave u by myside... i know i'm weak... but doesn't know why... i only dare cry becoz of u... unable to cry at other... i miss u alot.....i really miss u

recently even thuogh it doesn't seem alot of thing happen but i feel alot of thing happen to me... happy, sad, hope, disappointed, tears, stress, worry, joy, care, and relief... all this feeling can be come out in just one month. in my life, i know that i'm not the most pity one. i should be glad and happy of what i have. i have some trustful friend that i able to trust. kim san, kar hong, lay ming, jensen, and suan cheng that help me in the past. all of them help me alot. especially kar hong and kim san and lay ming. sometime they may have some misunderstand and diff opinion but we stil good fren that care each other... most important, yee ling.... 1st knowing she sad lost someone important to her make me sad... at that time i having my own trouble but don't know why i wanted to cheer her and help her... maybe becoz all this time i still care about her... it's true tat in this two years we never talk before... never meet each other and alot more... but reecntly, we slowly becoming same as in the past... talk to each other... find a time talk to each other... say our problem and everything that happen around us... share it... cry when we want... i miss those feeling...

knowing i got alot of ppl care me... sometime i feel that i made them disappointed a lot... i think if i always being so negative in all of them eventually not that good for both me and them... i can't be like that always. it's true that human will sad eventually but we can't everyday or always sad... i think if is other fren i think they already not talk to me anymore... since i always say my sad thing..... but now, i think i should atleast try to change a bit. do what i can... even it fail then i just have to stand up and do it again.

now slowly, my relationship with yee ling getting better... however, it's not the time that i should say to be together but we can still care each other and miss each other... but i know one day i will say what i should to her... as long as we both wait patiently... she have to get of her past... while i have to change my bad habit of being hopeless all the time... i may be clumsy alot but i know i can do it after a time... i only need luck and ppl that willing give me chance...

2moro the day i look for job again... outside is cold... it might very hard to bear the cold outside... but i don't wan give up... i must find it... keep find... even if really did all my best but in the end i still can't get a job i think i won't regret and i won't think that i was actually useless of not getting a job... better than now... when i think back the time i look for job i feel that i didn't look hard enough... there are some shop i didn't went in try to ask... now, i don't care anymore... what job i also will take... as long as they give me a chance to learn... and i will learn and do my best to keep survive her... after 2 years i will go back malaysia... meet my family and fren... also the one i most wan meet is yee ling... i will back before my birthday come... hope that my birthday on 2010 i able to celebrate with yee ling... i don't need big party... able to be with her i already feel more than enough... since i don't like make it big party hahaha... kenneth, stop being like this... u may be clumsy but u not really stupid... sometime u able to think what other can't... just that u lazy and unable to stop some temptation... i can... yee ling come back talk to me is already a good luck... my luck is coming... slowly coming... i only need a have a bit of faith and hope now... alot of ppl in malaysia waiting for me... they hoping me back... becoz they really did miss me... i know they are my true fren... no matter is school fren, ns fren or college fren... i know who are my true fren...