it's her birthday... and it's already pass... i ask lay ming to help me sms her... of course, without mention my name in it... even though yee ling ask to know who is it that sms her... but lay ming remain silent... i did it like this because i never wanted my name appear in her phone... or maybe i never wanted her know i still exist around her...

she abandon me... once again... 3 years ago and 3 years after... she abandon me for another guy again... i really want to know what am i to her... i love her... i really love her... i wait and wait and wait... but what i get in the end... nothing but pain and loneliness...

yee ling, what are you thinking? did she thinking why i dind't send you sms? not i didn't send but you did not know i send... because even if i sent what will you answer? and how you feel? just like 3 years ago, you feel nothing and just reply thanks...

i really hope all this just a dream... not too long ago we were still chatting in phone... u need me, u wish for me... and you wait for me... but why did you leave me again... why you treat me like this again.... i don't understand... am i just a rubbish... am i not worth.... i believe and trust you... but why did you follow someone else... why... tell me why...

yee ling, it may be pass but i really want to tell you myself that happy birthday and hope your wish come true, i miss you... and i love you...

it's been few week... even though i keep say that i'm alright... i don't care... but all these are nothing but lies..... i trust her, i believe her...... but what i get..... until now she didn't contact me... i feel so stupid... she treat me like a fool... while i was still believe in her... wait her... love her.... she already being with someone else and i didn't know at all... why did she lie to me... why she said she put me in her heart..... why she said i should know what is her feeling toward me... why she said she miss me? why she said that she feel a warm breeze on her face when i say her name... whenever i think back all these... i feel she treat me like an idiot... a toys... a lifeboat.... why she hurt me again... why once again she leave me for another guy... what am i to her.....

most of all what the heck is my problem... even after all these i still believe her and trust her... i want stop all these feeling... but i can't... i love her... and i trust her even now....

why yee ling... why.... izzit you want to keep quiet again like 3 years ago... leaving me behind with all the pain you gave me... and you only care your own happiness... i don't mind how you treat me 3 years ago... but why this time you have to treat me like this again... i know you didn't promise me anything but will you ever deny that you never say those word to me... say that you have feeling on me... wait for me... and ask me to trust you no matter what.....

do you know i feel like an idiot? like a rubbish? like a lifeboat? did you ever care of how i feel...