Long time

it's been a long time since i last wrote my blog... i feel so strange. ginny went to her fren birthday and i can't seem to able concentrate on my study. and suddenly i feel wanted to write something in here.

my life change alot since the day i with her. no depress no crying, no more bad thinking. do only think i care now is how to not make her sad, how to not make her leave me, how to be with her forever, and how do i maintain our relationships as long as i can or till the day i leave this world. she may not a fully mature and sometime i may dislike what she said and how she act but of course she feel the same about me as well. but we never really wanted to leave each other. we both do face a few problem before in the past but we manage to forgive each other and happy and let it be. never remember the bad stuff for so long. never remember it as a bad point. or never remember it will affect our future relationship. this may good or bad. i don't know and i not sure. i only know no matter what happen i will not let her go. even though i said the same thing to another person in the past but i was being abandon. i hope it won't happen again.

few weeks ago, ginny told me that yee ling become single in the facebook. without a second thought i replied i don't want to know anything about her. she unhappy and ask why i always like that when talk about her... yeah, i admit i hate her, and at the same times i do care her.

when i know yee ling break with ronnie, the 1st thing in my mind how is she doing. i said to ronnie before that if he treat her bad i will not forgive him. i do think of her situation but i didn't contact her one bit. maybe because i don't want ginny to think so much. in the past, ginny sad because i still think of yee ling when i with her. but when times goes, i know i can't hurt her. and i give my full heart to her.

i don't know what to say to yee ling, and don't know what to do... i just hope it won't affect her study... for her, other than love, study is life to her. i always worry yee ling in the past, because i know there is alot bad ppl around her. i worry and i always warn her but she think i over protective.

i may wrong but i know when a nice girl being single, alot ppl wanted to achieve the girl with everything. but i know never one of them will maintain the relationship forever. they just want to achieve it and enjoy it. after enjoy it they never protect or keep it as something precious to their life. they just wait and abandon it. this what i worry of yee ling. even now. now she being single, there may be alot of guy looking for her BUT do they nice to her or be bad to her.... i worried... i hope nothing bad to her...

at the same time i worry of ginny as well... sometime i worry she with bad ppl and learn bad... but she believe me more than anyone. no matter what she always think of my advice and opinion (even though she annoy by my lecture)... but i know becoz she precious to me only i worry of ginny... i think is times to go fecth her. just hope she is fine and waiting for me...

i don't know when will the nextime i write this but for now i hope everyone, my fren, family and the love one will be healthy and happy... take care yee ling...

love my bao bei (ginny) forever

happy chinese new year to myself... a new year... should my new sentence be a new beginning or a new nightmare...

i don't know... but either which one i don't think any different at all... good thing might just an illusion to me... since i always been in a dream... when i woke up... everything became unpleasant reality. fake , lie, selfish, everything happen infront of my eyes.....

valentine day... i always hope to be with her at this special day... but never ever those day will come anymore... sad...

i feel so tired from work today... pain all over my body... either inside or outside i feel pain as well...

new year...... nothing new to me

am i happy with my life now? deep down my heart, i still feel pain and sadness........ so hard to live... hard to breath... sometime life means nothing to me anymore... my happiness.... where it gone... am i having happiness now? i only laugh at during with someone else... when i'm alone i don't feel like want to smile at all... as if it was all lie when i smile... my true feeling is sad and lonely...

the happiness i always wait is gone...