To all my friend, i know... Nothing good will come of keeping her in my heart... only pain. But to give it up would be painful... To keep it or get rid of it... Either is painful, so i would rather suffer to keep it

don't know why, i getting alot of headache this day... especially when i sleep and when i wake up... this morning i'm feel so pain that i unable to wake up at all... i awake but unable to get up coz the had too pain... now i also feel the pain... already headache all day 2day... don't know wat happening to me...

maybe i'm just to stress..... all the pressure is getting together...... haizzz... dunno how long i able to bear this... hope is not long... well, nothing is more pain than my heart..... really can't stand it... need to get some sleep now... my head as if going to crack off soon...

getting more and more confuse and lost now... well, i'm already lost and loss since that day........ just that thing getting more worst..... well, rubbish always rubbish..... nothing will change when being treat like a rubbish.....

alot assignment is coming... getting more pressure..... sometime also feel frustrated. head always keep pain... as well as my heart..... i wonder how i get my wishes..... really wish to die... so suffer..... i glad atleast at here i still get some laughter, wif my fren together... but i know all this won't last long... one day, everyone will have their own road to walk...

they got their future..... i dun think i need one..... i dunno my future... dunno my dream... dunno my motive or goals.... i got nothing but my lives...... if can, i wan give my live to anyone who needed it... i dun need it... without pride, dream, and goals in my life there isn't anything worth to keep on living..... so wat if i study hard? so wat if i get rich? so wat if i successful? is this wat i wan... NO!!! this isn't wat i want... the onli simple thing i want i unable to get it.....

i thanks to those who keep on cheering me up and care about me...... thanks alot.... but sometime i feel i not worth to have those caring and cheering........ another year... maybe another sadness.... or sadness that keep on increasing...... i dun need god to help me... i need death help me... take my soul...... i dun have anything left wif me... just take my onli thing left, my lives... just take it....

getting alot of pressure... but i keep act that i'm alright and keep act as i'm ok... but is so tough... is so unbelievable pain in the heart..... 2day, we all go buy ingredient for one week dinner as usual... when we walking to morrison, suddenly kar hong ask me about yee ling... ask me izzit she got a bf now... i dunno what makes him suddenly ask me this kind of question but it's really makes me unhappy... i know she got a bf now... i know who it is as well... the onli thing i answer him 'yes, she got a bf while she study upper six'........ i dunno y.....my heart feel empty..... feel so cold.....2day i don't know y i felt cold for whole day even when i'm in the house... the other doesn't feel so but i did...linda also said to me 'when everyone cold, u dun feel cold at all, when everyone doesn't feel very cold then u say u cold'..... am i getting weird? or pressure make me going to crazy......

in dinner, suddenly they said the person i mostly like is girl who is cute..... but the person i have in my friendster is different than what i really like... of course they don't really know what girl i really like..... they onli making assumption... they never notice and i never let them notice that's why is different from what they think.... it's becoz i lying to myself.... i keep ask them intro girl and keep say this girl and that girl.... all this becoz want to let them think that i already fine since yee ling left me.... i don't want other to worry me... that's y i keep on pretend, keep on as if i add the girl in my friendster is to know other ppl... it's really hard....... unable to be who i am.....i onli can tell my pain to some of my fren in msn..... but still......

Yee ling, u know how painful i am? do u know everyday everynight i keep on waiting for ur msg? waiting for ur mail like how is used to be...... but u never send once at all... i know who is the guy u with now... i know what u send to him in his friendster..... ya, it's pain when i saw and read it..... it's funny that the person who gave in everything gets nothing..... not even one msg........ i onli get it when i done something..... i even want to know that did u even put a little heart in it when u sms me that u receive my sms or my card.... even when my phone out of credit i will still keep try to send one sms to you and say happy new year to you, i dunno y i did so..... but just that i wanted to say happy new year to you but not as kenneth but as stupig.... i really want to know..... can u tell me ur intention when u made a promise wif me? can u tell me that did u really intend to keep the promise? what are you thinking when u said all those words in the past?

the person i always trust and believe that never lie to me has already did it....... yee ling, you should know that i can't smile alone. if you not with me, there's no meaning for me to smile or laugh.......

now u on9, i open the conversation but i didn't dare to talk to you..... izzit u chatting with him?with ur bf? or u writing another comment to him again? do u know the one you say important to you in the past is crying now? do u know he is waiting you? do u know he cry everynight just by thinking of u? do u know he feel empty all this time? do u know he still waiting for u? do u know he wait you for day and night?

if you really chatting wif him happily now, do u know the once that important to u is crying infront of the comp...? did u ever notice that? did u even care about it?

cherry, i'm sorry... i promise that i forget her and dun think about her but i break my promise... i think i also the one who break promise..... but i did my very best, i really did so but...... maybe i'm just useless.... i dun have the right to say others...... maybe i should deserve this.... cherry, hope u forgive me... i'm sorry......