very long that i didn't write blog... so busy... so stress... however, i still the same... confuse... i get back some of my result of my assignment... and it doesn't look really well... all the mark not what i expected... atleast not fail... but still is dissapointing... few days ago, suan cheng told me that i didn't do my best... if i did i might get the best mark... i wonder izzit that i didn't do my best... izzit i didn't give my effort out? hahaha..... maybe i did put effort but not 100%...

without knowing myself, i doesn't want to put my 100% in... not anymore... i don't want to face the same situation... when doing something with all your ur heart and all your effort... what u expect never came... it's ok that never came but what worst is that i lost something important to me... i didn't gain but lost... i don't want to face that anymore... no point... no use... knowing that unable to gain what u expected makes u feel down... together lost something important in my life makes me feel want die... seeing someone important to you go away with someone else makes u feel so pain that u wanted to die right away...

This few day i kept dreaming about her... thinking about her at night... i don't know why... but i feel missing, loneliness and pain... all i have to do is be honest . honest about how i feel. even i might get hurt.

all sound ceases. when the night cold, air fills the room... i lie awake, holding my blanket and that when it's happen. i feel like crying. like my heart slowly breaking... a sorrowful and unshakeable loneliness. that sense of loneliness rise from the within of my heart.

it might be stupid that sometime i even thinking her with that guy... tears again flowing out from my tears... slide through my cheek and again another night fill with pain and sadness...