it's seem that everyone else has already slept and i'm the only one who still awake... it's 3am here... while malaysia is 11am... becoz of the project i have to keep awake... well, even though i sleep also not really a good thing though... few weeks ago i was busy with my assignment that i didn't think about much other thing and just straight went to sleep or a fews day before the hand in date i didn't sleep for 2 whole day straight... but i still think of her that time... but not much... i only know that when i think of her and i feel pain...

this few day i begin to think of her alot again... like how it used to be... nothing changes, everything still the same... just now Estelle told me that 'she' didn't reply anything when she sms 'her' but that's something i already expected... anyways, either she reply a not thing are still the same... what important that i did send a sms to her, even though i ask Estelle to help me do it... i wonder what she doing now... working? dating? hmm.... maybe something else with her one that important to her... well, obvious that wasn't me. eve though she said i was in the 'past'...

i getting confuse all the time... the more i confuse the more i hate to think complicated thing... when things get complicated, just make things worst... do people really enjoy when their 'outside' really look to be enjoy but the 'inside' wasn't enjoy at all... lying to myself... lying to others... maybe that's human nature... no matter who the person is, i just keep lying... but weather i telling the truth is not important to them... because i lying to myself.....

i felt so lonely... so pain... lost the way to go forward... hahaha, really useless... Kenneth, u just a useless rubbish that someone doesn't want you anymore... don't hope for anything... just keep on living like a rubbish... cry like a baby... no one will hope for you now... no one will cheer for u... no one will count on u anymore... no one will think that u important to them... no one will share the 'miracle' u once believe... no one... there is no one anymore... becoz the one had already left you behind... the one had walk forward b leaving you behind... leaving the one that doesn't wanted to move forward... useless Kenneth will never move forward...

it's seem that tonight will be another night that same as ever night... well, another day will be coming... and just walk so that i keep on survive even though i don't really hope to survive... even though i write all this rubbish thing in my blog... i won't deny that i lying in this blog as well...such as in my heart i still hoping a little 'miracle' but it seem that this time the miracle won't be so easy to obtain... unless the moon fall down from the sky... as if i hoping the miracle in the same time i hoping that i can die now.....

all i can do is wait and wait and wait... only two thing that i wait... one is miracle and one is death... maybe i should add that i wait her mail for 2 year... but none that send to me... well, i'm not her important anymorw not sending a mail to me is normal... especially who would send email to a person that useless like me... haha... forget it lah kenneth... better concentrate your project... you already useless, don't becoz of what trouble you now made the whole group fail with you... if want fail also you yourself only fail lah... hahaha... better continue my work now......

Yee ling, i miss u alot...