it's already another year... but thing never change... it's still the same..... i waiting for her sms but i didn't receive... maybe i'm not that important to receive her sms... maybe i should just disappear...

it's really funny when thing turn out to be like this... sometime i don't know that i should laugh or should i cry... hahaha..... really confuse... i laugh myself being so stupid, so worthless and undependable hahaha..... stupig really worthless... the name never wrong... each time i laugh, tears will come together... i know i actually wanted to cry but i laugh to cover myself... being left alone... haha... what i am to her now actually? i really wanted to know... she with someone else... i know who but still i keep on being like an idiot... unable to get with it, still haven't give up... still holding a broken promise... still holding the impossible promise... and remember the word she said to me... and the faith that she put in me.... it's been two year i tears for her... i wonder how much have i tears.... how long should i tears more... Yee ling, will u cry for me? haha, i think u won't... there's only few times that u ever tears becoz of me... when u receive my mail, u tears becoz i touch ur heart... knowing i still haven't give up on u and believe in u.... the next one is when u fall down hurt ur hand becoz u wanted to fullfill one of my demand... i still remember hearing u cry that time make my heart very pain... the another one is ur mum force u to leave me... then when the time u want break wif me, n the last one, is becoz i crazy for u till u scare and cry...... that's so much i remember till now...

Yee Ling, now i realise that why i am so different from before... maybe it's stupid to say it out... but u really did change me... in the past, u always said that i gave surprise to u and i always made u happy... do u know? that i never intend to gave u any surprise that time... in my heart all this time i just wanted to do something made u smile... when i see u smiling, i'm able to forget all the bad things... so..... without knowing myself i always made u smile no matter how embarrassed thing i done or said for you... as long as knowing u smile and laugh...... but now..... i don't know should i cry or should i smile... i feel so suffer... no matter what i do, where i go and what i see, i always will think of u... but..... knowing u doesn't want or need me anymore make me sad... thinking of the past makes me feel so warm at that time. n thinking of who u being now make me feel so cold in my heart...

i know keep on like this will affect my study... or i should said that all this time it is affect my study... doing my assignment alone in the night... do till half way, crying of u not beside me anymore... pressure all over me but i act that i'm alright... keep let other know that i was actually can take up the pressure... being not really who i am... i don't know when will i crumble... but i know one day i will crumble for sure... hearing other laugh out from the heart but i only from the face not from the heart... my heart is crying as if the tears are blood, flowing out from my heart becoz there's a knife stabbing in it deeper and more deeper...

Yee Ling, wat are u doing now? izzit u wif him celebrate the chinese new year? while i being alone at here waiting for u? everyday i keep on wait for ur email everyday everynight... and knowing u did on9 but u on9 onli wanted to send something to ur bf makes me tears... know that u got send to other but i'm the only one who never receive me really wanted to laugh out loud...hahaha... i really wish that i could just disappear... each time ask myself question but answer are never be there... maybe becoz knowing the answer won't do anything...

yee ling, i never forget what u wish for in ur birthday on 2004... Yee ling, till now i still love u... i want to say all this to u but i doesn't have the courage say all this to u... write at here is all i can do the best... i miss u, bee bee bee = smile smile smile........ this is the word we always said to each other... it's strange that no matter how suffer i keep on wait for u, knowing it might destroy my life but..... i just wanted to be true to myself... but useless ppl and rubbish ppl shouldn't talk all about life... maybe that's y u left me alone and follow someone who are 100... no... 1000 times better than me... ya, girl as good as u maybe being wif me is just nothing but a waste of time... but till now, i feel that be wif u is the most happy time i have in my life... thanks.... i really love u yee ling... happy chinese new year... i wish u happy and healthy always... i love u