2day i very unhappy... i dunno y and dunno how. it just that i felt so down.. i dun really have the stable mind and confident to do my work... so confuse...

in this world, everything is balance... when there is good then there is bad... when there is light, there is dark... when there is smart person then there will be a stupid person... i dunno i lucky or i'm not unlucky that i have taken the role of being an stupid person... well, that's normal for me... since it's the fact that i'm stupid...

people always say that ppl with left handed is smart ppl... but i think they wrong... or maybe i more special for being left hand and stupid... in order to survive this world, human need knowledge, tricky, and many reality way to keep on survive... one more thing is the most important, that is luck... it's obvious that i dun have luck... i not trying to take gamble as a test of my luck but in reality life... in daily life, or in my whole life... i dun really feel that i'm lucky but there is a time i feel very lucky... that was the time i being with 'her'... i really feel that i'm very lucky that time... but now... it's not... maybe it was 'her' who giving me luck but after she left me... there isn't anymore.

i really wanted to know who i really am... i changed since that day... i'm a different person... i'm a person who lost everything... not even one thing that i able to think that i haven't lost... other than my life... but i dun really need one... i really wish the god will strike a thunder at me... and just let me either go to hell or heaven... either won't be matter since i lost everything...

if u ask me wat i wan then i onli can say i wan to be backmy old self... become the me that time... i want to back that time... the one who i really was... but i know it's impossible... so i rather have a wish that the god will strike me to death... if go oversea is a oppurtunities then i rather give this chances to someone more worth... if is possible i would rather let this chance for estelle or someone that able to do better than me... rather waste all the thing in me... in someone that been called useless and worthless...