慢慢習慣

時間一分一秒讓情愛枯萎
沒有苦澀的眼淚
沒有想過永遠的完美
也沒有想過 到底會不會

一根紅缐牽引隱藏的曖昧
你我選擇背靠背
到底要彼此努力多少倍
才結束寂寞 兩顆心成一對

慢慢習慣一個人醉
慢慢習慣一個人睡
慢慢習慣一個人 去快樂去傷悲
慢慢習慣一個人飛
慢慢習慣沒有人陪
不需要些許安慰

不想分開還是分開不是罪
往后誰也不欠誰
未來不敢再多愛一回
想你的時候
開始喜歡天黑
更多更詳盡歌詞 在 ※ Mojim.com　魔鏡歌詞網 

慢慢習慣一個人醉
慢慢習慣一個人睡
慢慢習慣一個人 去快樂去傷悲
慢慢習慣一個人飛
慢慢習慣沒有人陪
不需要些許安慰

你的沉默讓我覺得自己太可悲
我的淚證明了你的愛有多美
我不配 愛不能成灰
祈求再多一次機會

不想習慣一個人醉
不想習慣一個人睡
不想習慣一個人 拼命走拼命追
不想習慣一個人飛
不想習慣沒有人陪
為自己贖罪 為你贖罪
一步也不肯退


Ginny, 如果 時間能夠為妳而倒流
真的好想牽著妳的雙手 再說一次 我 愛 妳

Dissapointment

After sent the birhtday email, I waited from day to day. Hoping for a reply. But until now, the 5th day, still, i didn't receive a reply from Ginny.

I'm disappointed. At the same time, expected. She have a lover now. I'm just a nobody to her. what was I expecting? A happy reply? A sad reply? A frustration reply? As people always say, no expectation, no disappointment.

Even if she did reply, so What? it's not like it gonna change anything. SHE IS WITH SOMEONE NOW. it doesn't change a damn thing even if she reply the email.

Last night, Kim San told me to find someone. I just replied 'i'm happy being alone. No stress, no pressure, no concern or whatsoever.'. Thinking back now, i'm just lying to myself.

Still, i believe i'm not gonna be in a relationship anymore. my heart, only have her. It doesn't have any space for a 2nd person now.

After I sent the birthday email to Ginny, I went to bed. that night I dream of Ginny. We both at a unknown place. we were walking side by side but not holding hand. We are awkward but I believe were on a walk to celebrate her birthday.

We kept on walk, then we saw a street stall. We bought some food and share the food together. We smile at each other, eating the warm food in a cold night. It was comfortable. Then we continue to walk, we arrived a grand hall or a ball. There were people dancing around. I reach my hand out and asked her for a dance. Ginny hold my hand and we were dancing happily in the hall. I remember the place is golden bright, with lights and roses around the place. But my eyes were on to Ginny only. We were very happy.

Then we left the ball room. Went back to walk at the street. But this time, we are holding hand. I start singing, I don't what did I sang but I can feel her hand and her warm. then i move her around by dancing by the street. We smile happily. We hold each other then I kiss on her forehead. After that, I woke up.

When i woke up, i did not feel sad or tears like I always do. I always dream of Ginny but always about being back together or argue or separation. This time, my heart is calm. I was wondering is my heart went cold? Am I not having feeling anymore? I'm just a person with a heart but no feeling of love or touch anymore?

At that time, I don't think it as a dream. I believe somewhere in another world, there is another version of me and Ginny. They are together and they love each other to the fullest. Despite that have nothing, they dance on the street, they hold hand, they give each other warmth, and more. At the very same moment, I'm just pray and wish happiness to the other world's Kenneth and Ginny, please treasure each other and wish both of you always love other till forever.

Happy 27th Birthday

It's already 2 years after the last birthday wish I sent to her through email.

She has a boyfriend now. It was unbearable for me on the day I knew it. It took me long time to cope with it. And I drunk on the very same day as well. Hope that alcohol will cover my pain and sadness.

The hatred in my heart, makes my heart sour. Makes my emotion shift like the ocean wave. But I hide it from the surface. Nobody will ever knows my true feelings.

And I have decided not to be in love anymore. I will live my life on my own for the rest of my life. A simple reason of i'm still loving her and wish for something that will never come true. Pretend to be happy, pretend to be fine, pretend to be doing well. Only when i'm alone, I know if i'm truly happy in my life.

Seeing my best friends getting married, made me happy. At the same moment, I imagined if I ever  married with Ginny. I was speechless and stopped my heartbeat for that moment. But once I back to the reality, I knew I'm dreaming. The person she will be married, will not be me anymore.

Funny thing, I once made a promise to my own that I will ask her to married me once I'm in the Manager position. I worked hard for the last 5 years. And I manage to obtain the manager position on the 4th year. But I realised that there is no meaning to me on all these.

I know title, wealth, reputation and fame are nothing when the person you always wish to be with, and celebrate with, means nothing when she not beside you anymore.

I have been alone for many years. My heart is only full of her. Now, my heart is tired. So tired that it doesn't want to beat for someone else anymore.

Sometime, I just hope she will appear infront of me. Telling me 'If is not too late, can we rebuild everything all over again?' Will that ever happen? Should I pray for it? Maybe no expectation, no disappointment. In fact, expectation always breaks one hope.

I believe in, late better than never. But I think in this event, it will be forever and ever.

Are there a true love? If yes, why wouldn't we be together? I accepted her dark past. I didn't mind. But that's doesn't mean anything in the end. She left me. For a better one. Did she be with me just because want someone to get through her past? Or I'm the right person to sooth her painful heart at that time? Once she is fine, is time for her to move on with someone better? Is that the truth?

Regardless, no reason seeking the truth. Even though I seek the truth but a truth not come from seek and revealing but from trust. If you trust a person, no matter what they says, it will always be a truth. If you don't trust, even with fact and evidence, it will still be consider as fake. With this understanding, I knew my love toward her is real. I trust about what she told me about her dark past but I accept and trust I love her for who she is. I did not love her for her background.

I didn't send her the real birthday wish that come from my heart. I only dare write it here because I do not wish to interfere with her life and her new relationship.


Dear Ginny,

I still love you and I don’t want to hide this fact as even after our breakup, those lovely moments come before my eyes and I feel quite bad and sometimes cry over how things changed and how we couldn’t be together. 

I don’t know whether you still miss me sometimes but I just want you to know that I miss you badly and that is not the only thing I want to say but I also want to say that my love for you was true and nothing has still changed. 

I just want you to know that as you have left me, nothing in life seems better and actually, nothing is better, really. Everything seems gloomy and there is absolutely no happiness without you in my life over which I should hold on to. 

You left me, you broke my heart, and shatter my soul. Still, what kept me moving forward until today, is still you. Appreciation and hatred still remain in my heart. But it always calm my heart when I close my eyes and feel the warm hug you always gave me.

I wish you all the best for your life and a very happy birthday to you. I love you, Ginny.


Kenneth

The one who always love you without condition

Happy Birthday

Yesterday, It was Ginny birthday. Before that day, I have been thinking for very long. Should I talk to her or should I not? 

In the end, I send a very simple 'happy birthday to her'. Didn't express much feeling because I don't know how to express any feeling anymore. 

Of course, I got response from her. She said she was happy to receive my email on her birthday. I wonder, was that reply just a form of respect? Or something else? Well, I didn't think much or I didn't want to think too much. Because I scare of trust or thinking too much since that 'day'

In her previous email, she said she is wrong for hurting me. Also, she mentioned her 6 years in UK, the times I with her was the happiest time for her. Even now, she still have memories of it. Izzit true? At that time, im starting to thinking then why did we separated? My heart have no joy at all, only pain and pain and pain.

My good colleague been asking me many times, do I still love her? Do I still care of her? Do I still think of her? I avoided the questions. I know I still think and care of her but the question on do I 'love' her? I really not sure. 

I don't know what is love anymore. My heart feel nothing. No emotion or whatsoever. What if I love her? Then what? It will be the same.

My colleague even ask me, what if she come back to me? What will I response? I kept silent. 

I may love her but I can't deny the fact that I was hurt in the past. I trust her but the trust was destroy and shatter. 

It's been a long time since I last trust someone. My past experience teaches me not to trust anyone, anymore. It will only backfire. 

I was doubt on ppl. I never trust anyone anymore. Not even a word. They can say anything they want but I remain neutral. 

I scare of trusting. The thing and the person you trust, once it betrayed. It's difficult to restore it. So tell me, how should I response?

I choose the road to be alone. I chose the road not to love or be love ever again. Because I can't bear the pain anymore. Not even one more times. I afraid I may not able to take it.

I may be lonely but at least I won't be hurt again.

Again, Happy Birthday Ginny~ the one I love with all my heart

希望

我知道她就要考试了。其实我想了三个星期，到底要不要和她打气。我很想但是没有这个勇气。我不是怕会打扰她。我是怕我会控制不到自己。

我想很久。我只能在心里和在这里为她打气。

希望你能考到很高分。成功的毕业。不需要重考。我会精神上为你打气，为你祈祷。除了考试，我也希望你的生活，你所做的一切一切会很顺利。

孤独和没胆量的我，每一天每一晚静静的为她祈祷。

孤独的晚上

我睡不着~觉得很孤独。心里觉得很酸。

每个晚上我都会回想自己整天在做什么。我每一天做的事情都是一模一样。感觉就好像在看同一个录影带。虽然在公司里每天嘻嘻哈哈的笑。但是没人可以看到我是多孤独的。

和平时一样，驾车的时候没有感觉。好像整个人已经麻木了。不知不觉，就已经回到家。有时候会坐在一边自己的傻笑。有时候我回想以前开心的事情而傻笑。有时候看到自己多孤独而笑。

我的人生还没有过到一半，我的人是也算是刚刚开始罢了。但是为什么我觉得好像很绝望，很累，很辛苦呢。没错，每个人都觉得辛苦。我爸妈，我妹，我哥还有我的朋友。这是人生毕竟会感觉到的事请。虽然我觉得累和辛苦但是我天天都咬着牙经的挨过去。但是我和其他人不同。我的努力回来的只不过是金钱上的满足。我心里依然是孤独的。

好久没有流眼泪了。也许哭累了。或者只是心里在哭罢了。天天看着别的情人在一起，就会想回以前很快乐的每一天。

我哥的小孩出生了。一个新生命的来临。很羡慕看着别人享受幸福。出生了一个月但是我去看他不超越十次。为什么？也许我会妒忌吧。也许看了我令我觉得我们以前谈过的事情。以前都会谈为我们以后的小孩取什么名字。也因为某下事情‘你’很害怕有孩子。你也问过我要是我们没有孩子会怎么办。我也不犹豫的回到你我不介意。大不了领养一个小孩。你也紧紧的抱着我。要是你再问回我同一样的问题，我还是给回同一个答案给你。

但是算吧！我有没有孩子都成问题了。也许到我‘走’那一天，我周围都不会有什么人了。

孤独和空虚的我，也只能孤单的活下去~


在这美丽的夜里, 等你等到我心碎怎么不见旧爱侣, 问问为何我空虚是我错失的字句, 把你伤透我不对今晚请你念过去, 来将心窝占据让我继续等下去, 等你等到我心碎星星今晚伴我醉, 就象同情我空虚又在雨中等你, 痴痴的我已心碎眼眶的雨渐引退, 人消失风里去等你等你等你 一世一世等你我真的真的不愿舍弃很想当天的一切能回味想你想你苦痛, 等你等到心痛,无情的北风将我吹送孤孤单单的我有点冻

一样~~~

已经一个月。这一个月我一直不断地专心工作。有时候留在公司多做一个小时，不介意的在公司等客人。

还记得两个星期前，我从早上八点做到晚上十点。除了早餐之外我整天都没吃过什么。只在休息的几分钟吃点饼干和水。我没期待我这些努力有什么回报。只不过不想一个人无思乱想。人生就是不公平，努力不代表会有好的回报。这是我学到的东西。有时候人真的要认命，没这样的命就是没有。

也许有些人觉得我这样想是很容易放弃的人。但是这不叫放弃，好听就说今天不行就明天再加油，不好听的就叫看开点和认命。每样东西都会有两面，只是看你想看哪一面罢了。

我一面看起来很努力，老板说我很能干，长时间上班，也很可信，虽然没找到很多生意但是我肯干。他们的看到只是这一面。另一面只有我自己看的到，也就是勉强自己忘记心里的痛苦。

这一个月我没什么哭了。但是心里依然觉得很孤独。要是这段时间我说我没有想‘她’的话，我只是在说谎。因为，每一天我都有想‘她’。也在这一个月里，我以为从她离开我之后是我一生人最痛苦的事情。其实不是！比这个还痛苦的是一个人已经放弃了‘明天’和不停地自己骗自己。

每一个人都有他们自己的梦想或者目标。但是在这些梦想和目标里面是隐藏原因。有些人的梦想是要有很多钱，有些人是要地位或者名利，有些人是为了家人或者自己。当我想我每一天的努力是为了什么的时候，我回答不到。其实我这一个月的努力也只是自己骗自己。就算我找到钱又怎样？我更本就不觉得满足。最后也一样孤独的生活。要是我有很多钱，比如说十亿，我宁愿将它来交换我和‘她’的幸福，永永远远在一起。


在这几天看不到她微信里更新，不多不少也知道去了旅行。不知道是不是在用我送给她的照相机。最可悲的是我永远不会在那个照相机出现。每一次‘妳’笑，‘妳’哭妳会想起我吗？‘妳’有没有问过‘妳’自己 ‘我现在过得好吗’？ 我有！

今天发现我看不见她微信里的照片了。我心里很痛，很难受。脑里出现很多问题，那些问题都令我很难过。我不知道我该怎样。真的很想哭，

我觉得我的人越来越没有感情了。上一周，我和家鸿他们出去吃饭。我觉得我整个晚上都没有任何感觉，我不觉得高兴，也不觉得不高兴。吃完晚饭，我没去吃甜品。在吃甜品我们聊了很多事情。当他们聊到感情事情的时候，我也不怎么出声。有时候也没有怎么回应。我也不知道为什么。

我不知道我能自己骗自己到几时~~~ ‘妳’知道我想你想的好苦吗？