Dissapointment

After sent the birhtday email, I waited from day to day. Hoping for a reply. But until now, the 5th day, still, i didn't receive a reply from Ginny.

I'm disappointed. At the same time, expected. She have a lover now. I'm just a nobody to her. what was I expecting? A happy reply? A sad reply? A frustration reply? As people always say, no expectation, no disappointment.

Even if she did reply, so What? it's not like it gonna change anything. SHE IS WITH SOMEONE NOW. it doesn't change a damn thing even if she reply the email.

Last night, Kim San told me to find someone. I just replied 'i'm happy being alone. No stress, no pressure, no concern or whatsoever.'. Thinking back now, i'm just lying to myself.

Still, i believe i'm not gonna be in a relationship anymore. my heart, only have her. It doesn't have any space for a 2nd person now.

After I sent the birthday email to Ginny, I went to bed. that night I dream of Ginny. We both at a unknown place. we were walking side by side but not holding hand. We are awkward but I believe were on a walk to celebrate her birthday.

We kept on walk, then we saw a street stall. We bought some food and share the food together. We smile at each other, eating the warm food in a cold night. It was comfortable. Then we continue to walk, we arrived a grand hall or a ball. There were people dancing around. I reach my hand out and asked her for a dance. Ginny hold my hand and we were dancing happily in the hall. I remember the place is golden bright, with lights and roses around the place. But my eyes were on to Ginny only. We were very happy.

Then we left the ball room. Went back to walk at the street. But this time, we are holding hand. I start singing, I don't what did I sang but I can feel her hand and her warm. then i move her around by dancing by the street. We smile happily. We hold each other then I kiss on her forehead. After that, I woke up.

When i woke up, i did not feel sad or tears like I always do. I always dream of Ginny but always about being back together or argue or separation. This time, my heart is calm. I was wondering is my heart went cold? Am I not having feeling anymore? I'm just a person with a heart but no feeling of love or touch anymore?

At that time, I don't think it as a dream. I believe somewhere in another world, there is another version of me and Ginny. They are together and they love each other to the fullest. Despite that have nothing, they dance on the street, they hold hand, they give each other warmth, and more. At the very same moment, I'm just pray and wish happiness to the other world's Kenneth and Ginny, please treasure each other and wish both of you always love other till forever.