this is my 90 post in my blog... also my 22 birthday and also my four straight year unhappy birthday...

i request to day off today... after finish work i didn't back home... i sit outside of my house... looking up the sky... and wait until 12am... i don't know why i do that... as if i waiting for something or maybe someone... until 12am only i went back to my house... take a bath and do thing like usual... i log in my facebook... some of my friend write on my wall... i appreciate and really thanks for their wishing... but somehow i still waiting for someone... someone that i always wait... someone that i care about... but untill now she still haven't say anything to me... maybe she say later, maybe after i sleep or maybe when i wake up the next morning or maybe never... even though she said she will never forget my birthday but i wonder..... she already had someone else, even if she does remember it doesn't mean anything anymore... she only will say as a friend... as someone she know... that's all... nothing more nothing less...

when i sat outside just now i start to think back the time we chat back... the song i send to her... was my favorite song... i always listen to it... and i recomment to her... but she send it to someone else... the song and the lyrics... i feel so sour in my heart... even since that day i stop listen that song... i do'nt know why... when i listen that song i doesn't feel have the way i love the song anymore... somehow i laugh... i laugh at myself how stupid i am... i send my favorite song out to someone that important to me but the one that important to me send it to someone that close to her now...

i stop listen that song because i don't want to know how idiot i am... how useless and rubbish i am... i really want to tears... my heart feel so pain and sour... but i didn't... i don't know... unable to tears and keep it in my heart...

happy birthday kenneth... once again you have a sad birthday again... with the same wish that will never come true and with the same wish that hope everyone i know is doing fine and healthy... especially to those that i really care most....