i unable to sleep and i'm chatting with yee ling now. 10 min ago i read her blog. she let me read it. and i already prepared that it will be something that won't make me smile or laugh. when i read my heart feel so painful and sour... as if my tears going to drop soon. i know she spend a lot of happy time with him... compare to him, i really just nothing... the thing she did with him i can sometime imagine myself during the past... it's really painful... because i try to understand her feeling during that time only i know her feeling now... knowing that it is impossible for me being the best in her heart. knowing she cried i feeling sad as well... but i do'nt know what to say to her... this month i almost everyday talk to her... sometime happy but sometime sad as well... i always wanted to be best in her heart, that what i always wish but for now i need to put that aside. for now, i wish she will be happy back... no matter what... even.... even if she can be back with him now and i can't be back with her forever... i don't really care about myself anymore... as long as she happy then it's fine... since if she be with me might not the most happy thing for her... if like that i hope grant her wish that will make her happy most...

but i'm glad that atleast the day before she return let me know that we still have a little fate... maybe it's up to us to take it or leave it... nobody know... but i want to take and grab and never let go of it... however, i can't be selfish... this kinda of decision must be made by two person... not just me alone.....