It's been a month since the last time i write in this blog. last week i think i went out about 4 times alone. i walk alone on the street. feeling alone... even though i got my eyes to see but i no different than like a blind man. i was thinking what should i do... my hope and my goal of my life have been perish... what are there that still worth for me to keep on living... spend my life being alone, keep on wait like an idiot? on saturday, i saw her online again. but as usual i didn't open any conversation with her. only keep on seeing her when to online and did she change her personal msg. it's really painful being like this. thinking back to few years ago, i still eager to wait her online and chat with her. wanted to know what story will she going to tell me again. what incident did she meet 2day... is she happy? or is she sad? those feeling i will never able to forget, also unable to feel it again...

thing can be change in such a short time. now i know that happy are not the only thing that u will always remember. something that make your life full of sadness and painful will be one of the thing that u always remember. that's why memory can sometime be an ugly scar in your heart.

i wanted to forget her and be with someone else... but in the middle of my decision i will always hesitate... will i really forget? izzit that i will put her down when i have someone else? will i love another girl more than her? will i regret? all this question in my heart proof that she still in my heart... i wonder how should i put it down... or izzit i trying to keep the promise i made many years ago... will i regret on the day i has my last breath?

i know that i not who i am anymore. i'm different than how i used to be... i'm not being true to myself either, not even my heart. What i doing always different from what my heart wanted. it's so painful to keep on doing something you doesn't want to do... Yee Ling, you might not even bother what i' doing but i still love you... I know you won't keep me in your heart anymore because i'm not worth. but still i wish u have full happiness in your life...

Yee Ling, did u realise? it's been two year since we seperate and it's been one year since you be with him... to be honest, in this 2 year i felt painful more than happiness. i really wish to have my last breath now...

I will always remember you in my heart...