just now i just read her blog... honestly, after read it... i feel sad... the person she saying in that blog... who was it...? who is the he...? the miracle she saying is which one...? is the one she having now... or the one she throw away lastime...? i wan cry... i wan cry out loud but i can't... just that my tears keep drop... the one who teach her know all those... wasn't me? then wat i have been doing for her in the past... was wat i talk to her, chat wif her just nothing meaning to her... that the only thing she having now is only precious to her... well, as usual i'm just a bunch of rubbish... nobody take rubbish as precious thing, as a miracle... i just an abandon rubbish... i always trust in myself, no matter wat result come out i believe in myself but wat happen to me now make me less and less trust my own self... sometime i still trust my own ability and dun regret on the decision i meet... but my determination not as strong as i used to have... until now i still believe on wat i believe... just that i didn't put much hope... coz i wat i believe in the past has betray me once... have i ever done wrong? izzit this is wat i deserve? if it really like that i more hope that i.......... i really hope so..........

every time i repeat read the blog, i feel like got another knife stab in to my heart.... i wonder how many knife that i already in my heart... my wound... when will it recover... i wan to recover it... but it doens't seem it recover at all...... not at all... after so long...... y must i stick this pain wif me for so long.....