2day don't know why but i woke up at 9am... kinda early... anyway, as usual the 1st thing i do in the morning is view on her friendster and blog... she write something new in her blog... something that not really happy to her. also makes me unhappy as well... after read the blog. i went back to my bed and keep thinking what should i do... what i am to her... in that blog she only mention about him. i know... i know she still miss him...

she stress out becoz of all the work she having now. not only because of study but she lack of sleep as well... whenever i know she lack of sleep. i really wish that i could lend my shoulder for her..... even if i only able to lend her for one minute, i will spend my time with her... but i can't... 'he' is the only one who able calm her down. support her and help her... while i'm..... even i don't know what i can do for her... i was thinking did she think of me? did she need my help? when will she tell me her suffer? will she cry infront of me? will she need me? i don't know... but i know, whenever i in trouble... whenever i need someone... yee ling always the 1st person appear in my heart...

i'm unhappy as well... unhappy with the job... unhappy with the llife i having... when i have holiday, i will call her and tell her my problem.. and complain about my job to her... i wish... she will do the same... i wish she will ask me am i free to chat with her... so that she release all her feeling toward me... just how i did to her.....

i know i never able to compare to him or anyone... i even ask myself did i alive in her heart... but i don't care did i alive in her heart... what's important she alive in my heart... if she need me then i will do watever i can for her.. if she don't need me i will still stand beside her and keep support her... i know sometime i'm nothing but trouble to other ppl.....

this few day, ppl start to realise i'm left handed... they say left handed is smart... since i was small i dislike ppl say that... becoz the fact is i'm not smart at all... 2 days ago, during lunch time... when i eating with my work fren... he saw that i'm using left hand and said left handed is smart... then i replied him... 'do u think i'm smart'? then he keep quiet not another word come out... face the reality... i'm not smart at all... while i'm a person who never used brain when i do thing... i got a belief that when there is smart ppl there is stupid ppl... this is something that will always happen.. is not about left hand or right hand... even left hand will be stupid and clumsy... and i'm one of the example... what i achieve in my life? i never achieve anything... the only thing is i only do what i think is right...

i know that if together wif yee ling might cause alot of ppl dislike..... ppl used to try to break our relationship... i don't know did yee ling know about it... but i already got one example... sometime i thinking if there is a chance we together again who will dislike... my fren? yee ling fren? her parent? my parent? i don't know but i don't care... the only thing i know that deep down my heart yee ling is someone i wish to be together........

i don't know if one day she has a chance of be with that guy again, will she give up on me and be with him..... i don't know and i'm scare as well... now i only hope she able to get more rest and she can get good result as well... i wish i know i can do something for her...... dear god, pls grant my wish......