just now i call her and chat for 13minit and 48 second... then she say she headache and wanted to sleep early... this time i know how to control my self, not like lastime, when i hear something i dun like i went crazy... i might a bit heart pain when she still dun accept me back but it's ok... at least i did ask and try my best, and i can't deny that i still love her...

after a while i sms her... then after about 40 minit, she reply me... actually i didn't expect she will reply, coz i didn't ask for it... however, we sms quite alot... and i did say alot thing wif logical and reasonable... wasn't like the past, i went crazy and onli say the same thing... i already learn how to control myself, and calm down myself... however, all this is thanks to her onli i know how to control myself... in the time we separate, i think through many thing... but there is thing still can't be change that who i am now, and i still love her...

i dunno y , but her thinking and believe got a bit slightly change after our long conversation in sms... i dunno izzit she get emotional or wat... but i hope she didn't... i will try to understand or think of wat she said to me just now but i also hope she think mine as well coz there is time we need to consider that if wat other ppl say is right or wrong...

i might be keep my emotion but i still can't get how i used to be... still can't be happy as i used to have... even get an A ins uch hard subject i dun even feel any happy or think of that my effort got result... my fren happy till jump up, i really wan to ask y they can be so happy , while i dun feel single happy in my heart at all... i just have a smile face on it but deep in side... there is a sadness that nobody can see it...

if i dun find her i know she won't find me at all... i wanted to know is she wanted to escape it so much from the thing between me and her... can't she face and take the responsible of wat she do and say... many thing easy to say but hard to do... action speak louder than word... i still believe in miracle no matter how... she said she dun believe in miracle anymore... she more believe in reality... is this real? then wat she write in her blog? not that i dun believe or suspect her... i onli dun wan she in order to escape our conversation or the truth and responsible she purpose say something not in her stance... but no matter how, i stil love her, and i will support her and care her as i can, as i could... i dun believe in fate, but i onli believe wat i believe...

coz i can sure and know wat i believe make me know wat is wrong and wat is right... while fate, u dun even know when is fate and when is not fate... when ppl happy they will say it's fate bring them together... when they separate, they say it fate that we can't be together... fate can't be fully trust... it just a word to make each other happy and it will hurt other as well... i wasn't deny wat happen to me... i accept but doesn't mean i give up... as long i believe in miracle, i wn't give up wat important to me... i might be stupid and i might be sturborn but i take responsible of wat i done...i know if i give up now i will regret for my whole life... this time i very clear wat i doing and wat i try to tell her...

lastly, i wan to say to her, that i really love her... i just need a last chance to let me proof to her that wat i said wasn't just use my mouth but i used my action to proof it as well... however, the main reason that i haven't give up wasn't wat i believe or wat i wanted to proof... is just an easy reason that i still love her deeply in my heart